Happy Seventh – no singing please….

March 12, 2023

Kloe had a birthday this month. We don’t usually make a big deal for our girl’s birthdays. Honestly, every day is a party for them! They are quite spoiled and I’m ok with it. Especially since it is mostly me doing the spoiling… 🙂 So Kloe’s seventh came and went without much fanfare other than me singing Happy Birthday to her before dinner.

As is our usual routine the girls gather near my legs as I prepare their dinner and then follow me to the area that I put their bowls down. They sit, ~~look adoringly at me~~ wait patiently for the signal, and once the signal is given (a clap of my hands) they stand up and begin their meal.

It’s usually only a few seconds before I clap my hands to release them to their bowls and they are very good about waiting. They know to “watch” me, not the bowls, and once I have their full attention I clap. Kloe has always been good at “watch”. She will hold a watch with a fixed stare into my eyes forever. The longer she watches the farther back her head tilts. I’m sure if I made her watch long enough she would topple backwards! Koda is less, let’s say, focused. Before I release them to their bowls Koda’s eyes alternate between my eyes and her bowl of food. Little flickers back and forth without moving her head; just her eyes, It really delays the process much, I’m sure, to Kloe’s chagrin. With Koda, any little movement on my part that even looks like I am going to clap makes here lean towards the bowl. When she doesn’t hear the clap she pulls back. If she was a track runner her nickname would be “False Start”!

So on this seventh birthday evening I placed their bowls on the ground and they put themselves in a sit expecting a quick watch, a clap, and then delicious food entering their bellies. But instead I began singing Happy Birthday to Kloe. Very slowly I sang, “Happy birthday to you, [pause] happy birthday to you…” [pause]. Both girls sat there looking at me a little confused and hungry. By the time I got to “Kloe” as in “happy birthday dear Kloe” Koda had enough and quickly moved to her bowl and began eating. Kloe looked at me and gave me a figurative shrug of her shoulders with her eyes, and also started eating.

I feebly clapped my hands while muttering to myself, “happy birthday to you oooh…..”.

Happy Birthday Klo-Klo. My Klois Marie, my Kloe Bowie, my Sugar-lips!

Kali – The Golden K Anchor

February 12, 2023

Kali crossed the bridge over a year ago and there is not a day that ends where I haven’t thought about her at least once. I find myself day dreaming about her. At night she is often in my dreams. Her name comes off my lips at times when I am speaking to one of her sissies. Sometimes I call out to her for no reason in particular other than to beckon her sweet spirit. And I will speak softly to her when I see a picture of her on my computer or in a photo frame.

I miss her desperately. Not in a deliberating way, or even in a sad way. But in a way that stops me in my tracks and takes my breath away as I realize what an incredible relationship we had and what a very special dog Kali was. Her history is storied having been rescued in Taiwan and flying across the world into our arms in the SF Bay Area. Two years later we moved to the Sierra Nevada Foothills and she was an instant local. Nothing ever phased her. She adapted within minutes to any new environment or situation. And like a true Golden she loved all people almost as much as she loved food. 🙂

Recently a picture came up in my Facebook Memories. A photo from four years ago. In the photo Kali, Kloe, Koda, and Holly were all lying on the floor sleeping. Everyone was tired from a day of playing off and on in the snow. What struck me about this photo was that as they slept on the floor Kloe, Koda, and Holly each had their heads resting against Kali. She was our anchor. She was our energy. She was our heartbeat. Kali was and remains the pulse of The Golden K!

Kali, anchoring a power nap after a day in the snow. February 5, 2019

Kloe The Lover (not a fighter)

January 8, 2023

Kali was the first and oldest. She had a storied history long before Kloe joined the pack. Kloe always looked up to Kali and considered Kali the alpha until the day Kali crossed the bridge. Koda, the youngest, has always been ~~a loud mouth~~ gregarious. From the day she joined the pack at 4 months old, Koda demanded vocally and physically the attention of everyone in the room and general vicinity. So with Koda, Kloe usually has no choice but to play second banana. And I think for the most part that’s ok with Kloe.

Kloe The Puppy

Kloe was 7 weeks old when we met her and her litter mates. There was “Green”, “Purple”, and “Red” as designated by the color of their ribbon collars. We sat on the lawn in the yard of the rescue group’s organizer watching the puppies romp around. We picked them up, sat them on our laps, and interacted with them in our effort to see which one would be right for us. OK, full disclosure: I laid on the grass and ~~let them~~ encouraged the puppies to crawl on top of me and smother me with golden love!

After about an hour we decided that “Red” was the one for us. We liked her her confidence and calm demeanor. At only seven weeks she seemed interested in more than just her siblings and these new human visitors as we observed her looking beyond her immediate surroundings with a serious and quizzical look. And, she had a little pouty face that I fell in love with! We decided Red’s name would be Kloe. Two weeks later we went back to pick her up and bring her home. That was almost seven years ago.

Kloe The Lover

There is a saying, “I’m a lover (not a fighter). That’s Kloe!

Approaching seven years this Spring, Kloe has been a full fledged Golden Retriever adult dog for over three years. She has always been rather serious and never displayed some of the goofy and silly attributes that make many Goldens so fun and entertaining. That’s not to say Kloe doesn’t have fun. It’s just she approaches things with purpose. Whether it’s catching a ball, engaging in play with her sister Koda, or mealtime. Kloe is also very earnest; especially when meeting new people. She tries her best not to get too excited as we remind her not to jump). She’ll place herself in a sit at her new friend’s side looking up at them the entire time while her tail wags excitedly. She lets out deep groans as if to say “I just met you but I love you so much!”

Kloe Our Protector

Kloe, even as a 6 month old puppy, has always had a very deep bark. As docile as she is Kloe’s bark is a force to be reckoned with. If Koda’s high pitched bark is the “alarm” then Kloe’s bark is the ancient battle horn calling the troops into formation and ready to charge! The alarm sounds, the battle horn blows, and she is off to defend the Golden K with little sister Koda along side as her squire. Kloe typically starts out her day by smelling most of the front and back areas of our home along the fence lines. She methodically, much to the chagrin of her less interested sister, inspects every inch assessing what critter may have been there the night before. When she finally arrives back at the kitchen door for her breakfast meal I sarcastically ask her if the perimeter is secure and she ~~nods affirmatively~~ looks up at me expressionless and sits and waits for breakfast.

Kloe Our Conscience

When I look at Kloe I see honesty. I see compassion. I see a peace maker. Sure, these are human traits but why not also true for dogs? Kloe’s eyes tell the truth. Her body language adapts to the people around her. And when confronted with the choice to share or fight for what is hers (a ball, a bone, or a stick) she will usually acquiesce to the perpetrator (Koda). Admittedly I’d prefer to see her stand up for herself more but that’s Kloe; always willing to stand down to keep the peace.

Because remember, she’s a lover (not a fighter).

Understanding Koda

December 5, 2022

Competition

Although the youngest member of the pack Koda has never taken a back seat. She can be pushy when she wants attention. She can be loud when she has a point to make. She has always been ~~willing~~ eager to stand her ground. The first thing to understand about Koda is that she is competitive!

Kloe was just two and a half when Koda at four months joined the Golden K Pack. Koda never really considered Kloe a surrogate mom and Kloe didn’t spend much energy schooling Koda. I think part of the reason for this is that Kali was oldest. Kali was nine and Kloe still looked up to her as the alpha and mother figure she had always been since Kloe was 9 weeks old.

At first Kali wanted little to do with Koda. When Koda was first introduced to her new sisters, Kali gave out a little woof, briefly sniffed her and walked off and seemed to say, “Oh no no no. You take that whipper snapper away. Things were just fine – perfect in fact – when it was just Kloe and I”.

From day one Koda stood her ground, was first in line for treats, and first one out the door when it opened. She pushed herself in front of her two older sissies and had no idea how much smaller she was than them. In Koda’s mind she was the biggest and the alpha. If there was something to be won she was the one!

Tenacity

For Kloe’s part and upon meeting Koda she gave her the once over and expressed some physical dominance as she sized up the newest family member. And for a few minutes it seemed as though Koda would acquiesce to Kloe being older, and much larger. Koda was 22 pounds and Kloe was 75! And here is the second thing to understand about Koda: she’s is tenacious!

From the first day home Koda never backed down to Kloe. They played chase and Koda kept up. The wrestled and at first Kloe was gentle fully aware of her size advantage. As an older and bigger dog when Kloe had enough she tried to let Koda know with a firm gesture like a take down or firm mouth on the neck. But Koda wouldn’t let up. A less tenacious pup would acquiesce until the older dog was once again ready to play. Not Koda! She was like a heat seeking missile with endless fuel. Throw her down and she got back up. Throw her down again and she got up again this time with more determination. And on and on…. Her competitive nature coupled with tenacity made her a formidable playmate for Kloe even with the weight and experience differential. Kloe was never mom in Koda’s eyes. She was her big sissy and she was determined prove herself. Wrestling matches usually ended up in a tie, which was saying quite a lot for Koda.

Communication

Koda has a high pitched bark. Koda has a guttural play-growl. Koda puffs up her mouth with air and vocalizes, “A roo-roo-roo…” The third thing you need to understand about Koda is that she is a very good communicator. Because the high pitched bark is startling it would be easy to think that Koda is just being annoying. But I’ve learned that when she barks there’s a reason. For example if she is outside and wants to come in she barks at the door. Contrast this to Kloe who, when outside and wants to come in will sit in front of the door or window until she’s noticed. When Koda is inside and Kloe is outside if Koda sees Kloe at the door or window she’ll bark to let us know that Kloe wants to come in. If there is a toy under a table or chair that Koda can’t get to, and she needs help, she’ll come up to us with a combination of the guttural growl and her “Roo-roo”, tail flapping and butt swirling around. We’ve learned that this means she needs help with something. We’ll ask her to show us and she will take us to what she needs help with.

A couple of years ago, when Kali was still with us but becoming more and more feeble, Holly and I were sitting on the deck relaxing. Koda came up from a part of the property that was mostly out of sight. She was growling and a “roo-roo-rooing” and very earnest about needing our help. “What Koda, what is it?'” I said as I stood up and followed her. Koda led me to Kali who had become stuck in a hole in the ground and couldn’t get up.

Loyalty

Although Koda competes for my attention when Kloe is nearby and always wants the toy or bone that Kloe has, she transcends that behavior when it comes to family. And that is the fourth thing to understand about Koda: she is loyal! Kloe is our sentry and protector. If there is a perceived or imagined predator nearby Kloe will sound the alarm with her very deep bark. Wherever Koda may be at that time she jumps up and follows Kloe off into “battle”; many times without any specific knowledge of what the alarm is about. For Koda if Sissy is on the move so is she. As competitive as Koda is she takes her cues from Kloe. If Kloe goes outside Koda follows. If Koda wants to go outside and Kloe doesn’t follow Koda stays inside.

When I call Koda she comes. No matter where I am she follows my voice and comes to see what I want or need. Of all my girls past and present Koda has the best recall. To a large degree that is training. But I also believe a big part of it is loyalty. Koda and I have a bond and we are loyal to each other.

I think the reason for that, although not always but now for sure, I understand Koda.

Walking With Kali

October 17, 2022

I miss my walks with Kali. There are times when I find myself missing the days when it was just Kali and I. Kali and I and our Creek Trail.

We still lived in the Bay Area town of Livermore when Kali joined the pack. There was a trail through the neighborhood that ran along a small creek and a local 9 hole golf course. The trail head was at the end of our street. Kali and I walked that trail almost every day and it became a very special place for us.

I don’t miss the Bay Area for a second. But I do miss our Creek Trail and our daily walks along it!

Kali and I got to know each other on our Creek Trail. She was great on a leash except when other dogs passed by which made her nervous. We eventually worked through that issue. In retrospect it was one of many ways that we gained a deeper understanding of one another. The pace of our walks was great. She was a little prissy and had a cute lightness to her walk. I recall one time taking her for a walk with a friend and my friend says, “look – she prances”. So although not athletic she was very light on her feet. Like a dancer…

I think what I miss most about our walks are the long talks Kali and I had along the way. Under all circumstances Kali and I were in regular communication with each other; especially during the first several months and especially when we walked. I used words and gestures. Kali used her eyes and body language and sometimes a grunt or a small bark. We learned each other and learned from each other. Over the years I realized that I learned much more from Kali than she from me. She was a great teacher!

Sometimes we walked in silence. Walks where we were just together. Words, gestures, or body language wasn’t necessary. I loved those times when our cadence and rhythm were in total sync. We walked in total peace, as one, and side by side.

In 2016 we moved to Tuolumne City; a rural community in the Sierra Nevada Foothills. Our walks became different. We would walk on dirt and gravel roads under majestic pine and oak trees. Homes were not side by side in this neighborhood. Instead they were set back off the road on parcels of two to three acres or more. Wildlife was much more evident. On the Creek Trail we regularly saw geese and ducks. Along our new walking venue we would encounter black tail deers, wild turkeys, and farm animals: pigs, goats and horses and cows. One would think that all the new sights, and especially the smells, would have been like a smorgasbord for Kali. But just as when Kali arrived in Livermore from Taiwan -and immediately assimilated- she seemed to do the same in Tuolumne. She pranced along our walks with a calm demeanor as if she had lived here all her life.

As the years passed Kali and I walked less and less – both in frequency and distance. Her legs were no longer very strong and her hip displaysia became more of a factor. Kali was always eager to have out and about time with me (and I with her) so she of course jumped (figuratively not literally cause remember her hips 🙂 ) at the chance to go on walks. But the pace became slower, there were more stops along the way and I often had to coax her to move along.

Eventually the walks stopped completely and Kali began sleeping much of the day. We always found time to be together just to the two of us. During those times we talked and reminisced about our Creek Trail. And sometimes we just sat in silence. And our cadence and rhythm were in total sync. We were together and at peace.

From the day Kali came into my life, whether we were walking along our Creek Trail in Livermore, navigating the rural roads around the Golden K, or just sitting in silence on the deck looking out at a warm evening sky, my Golden Kali and I were always been in sync. Same cadence and same rhythm. And same heartbeat.

KALI AND OUR CREEK TRAIL, LIVERMORE CA

Never too early for Kali to pose at our favorite spot.

Smiles

October 2, 2022

I wonder if dogs can recognize smiles.

I’m sure the answer, or a scientific opinion, is in one of the many books I have about canine behavior and development. But rather than scouring those books for corroborative information I turned to the source of all knowledge: Google. Or as Holly calls it, “Uncle Google”. I firmly believe that one can find any answer they want – correct or otherwise – by searching the internet. Of course we all have our reliable sites that we trust, or search engines that may return more mainstream information than others. But bottom line if one digs deep enough one can find a plethora of information to support their opinion or beliefs.

So now realizing that Uncle Google is not a reliable source for something as important as learning if dogs can recognize smiles I turned to the real experts. My girls Kloe and Koda.

I sat them down in front of me and began the conversation…

“Girls, I need your help. I’m trying to figure out if you can recognize smiles and know what they mean”. The girls sit patiently waiting for a biscuit that doesn’t come. “Girls, please pay attention.” Koda lies down but continues to pay attention. Kloe is looking out the window for a ball. “Kloe – watch!” She does.

I go on to describe the smile to them. “Girls, as humans we smile in many ways for many reasons. We smile when something is funny; that smile may be accompanied by laughter. We smile at the end of movie with a happy ending or when the hero prevails. You’ve seen me do that, right? Sometimes we smile when we feel sorry or bad for someone; a smile that says, ” I feel bad for you and wish I could help”. At this point I’ve totally lost Koda who wonders off to the kitchen. Kloe stays close still believing there is a biscuit in her future.

I give one last example. I say, “And of course humans smile just at the site of puppies, or even the thought of puppies!” Kloe seems to be thinking back to the last time we brought a puppy home (Koda) and is reticent at the mention of puppies. Koda, who must have continued to listen from the kitchen, comes running over and again is sitting in front of me with full attention. A giant thought bubble appears over her head that says, “Puppies? Did you say Puppies? Because the other day Mom told me that I needed a puppy to keep me busy and to play with when Kloe didn’t want to play. Did you say Puppy? Are you really going to get me a puppy??”

I now realize this is an exercise in futility. The girls are staying nearby only because they think I have biscuits in my pocket. [Full disclosure – I may have promised a treat at some point to hold their attention]. I consider getting up, giving them a biscuit, and returning to Uncle Google if he will still have me. But I decide to try an experiment to see of dogs can recognize a smile.

“Ok girls” I say. “Sit down here together”. I return to my chair about 10 feet away. I stare at the girls. They stare back at me. I wait a moment for dramatic pause. And then, I smile. A big ear to ear smile. They run to me in unison and eagerly lick my face and my giant smile.

And there it is. The proof. Dogs do recognize smiles! My highly scientific experiment in a controlled setting with documented parameters and standardized measurements proves that dogs do recognize smiles!

Feeling very proud of myself and satisfied with my results I sit back to revel in the moment with my girls. They stare at me and both now have thought bubbles over their heads:

Kloe: “Where’s my biscuit?”

Koda: “Where’s my puppy?”

These girls of mine. How they make me smile!

No animals – specifically Kloe and Koda – were harmed during this highly scientific experiment in canine behavior. 🙂

The First Fourth…

July 4, 2022

…without Kali.

It was the evening of May 24, 2014 when I met that special girl from Taiwan. The door opened, our eyes met, and we instantly fell in love. Well, at least I was immediately taken back and infatuated with her. It took only minutes for that infatuation to turn to love. And we rode off into the sunset to Livermore, CA. and the rest as they say…. well you know.

That girl was Kali.

Long time followers of Golden Kali know that Kali is a rescue from Taiwan. Holly, my daughter Jessi, and I drove to the airport in San Francisco in great anticipation of meeting Kali, then known as Nala. We had only seen pictures and read her bio as we waited for about two months until her Taiwanese caregivers had her in perfect condition to come to America and join our family. Health, happy, and full of love.

I’ve written often about that evening at the airport when Kali and I met. How fate seemed to bring us together. If there really are matches made in heaven this would have been one! There was one special moment that stood out that I am reminded of every Fourth of July.

Kali arrived from Taiwan wearing a brown scarf with markings that were similar to mandarin characters. Once she was uncrated, leashed, and had time to get her land legs we prepared to drive home. A volunteer from the local rescue group, True Love Rescue, stopped us and took off the brown scarf and replaced it with a scarf that bore images of Stars and Stripes and the America Flag. It was a symbolic gesture of Kali’s transition from Taiwan to American where she became a true American Girl.

Kali wore the scarf for the first day home and then I took it off and stored it. I brought the scarf out several weeks later on the Fourth of July. That was 2014. Kali wore the scarf for the day and I again put it away. Since that time the scarf only comes out on the Fourth of July and Kali wears it for the day.

Except this year. This is the first Fourth without Kali.

There will always be two holidays that are special for me and Kali. I will always miss her just a little more on those days than others. One is Memorial Weekend. It was Memorial weekend in 2014 that we picked up Kali from SFO. That will forever be her gotcha day. The other is Fourth of July. The Fourth because of our ritual of taking out the scarf with stars and stripes, adorning it around my beautiful girls golden neck, and seeing her wear it for the day and evening.

So on this first Fourth without Kali, and for the Fourth’s to follow, the stars and stripes scarf will be worn by Kloe. This morning I pulled out the scarf and put it on Kloe, second in line of succession after Kali at the Golden K. Like Kali, she’ll wear it for the day and evening and in the morning it will be put away for another year.

Kloe may never know or appreciate the symbolism of wearing the scarf annually on the Fourth. Certainly she will never know the practical aspect of being a stray in Taiwan, going through rehab with the Taiwanese rescue ~~group~~ angels, or getting on a plane with 23 other Goldens and traveling across the world into the unknown. But I know that Kloe’s Sissy-Mama Kali would appreciate knowing the symbolism of the scarf and her transition from Taiwan to America will live on through her sister Kloe.

Happy Fourth Kali. For the first time in eight years as I write this Fourth of July post you are not laying at my feet. You can no longer warm my feet but will always warm my heart as I sit and write about you, for you, and with you close by in spirit.

Kloe sporting the special stars and stripes scarf handed down to her by Kali.

Golden Kali, July 4, 2015.

Sissy Mama

June 5, 2022

As Kali grew older I began referring to her, in relationship to her two sisters Kloe and Koda, as Sissy Mama. None of my girls were blood related but they were and are sisters (sissies) no less. So we would always refer to them as sissies. “Koda, where is your sissy”. Or, “Kloe, go get your sissies for dinner”. Yes we well I speak to them as though they are my kids. Because they are!

But Kali was much older and she became the Sissy Mama.

Six years shouldn’t seem so long ago. But if I think in “dog years” it is quite some time. Like six years ago when we brought Kloe home as a nine-week old puppy. That was a long time ago. Looking at her now, as she sleeps by my feet (filling in the empty space Kali left under my feet when she crossed the bridge), it’s hard to think that Kloe was ever a wee pup of 16 pounds. Green, fearless, and ripe for schooling by an older dog. Enter Kali.

Since Kali has been gone I find myself looking at pictures of her from over the years. Like today when I came across some pictures and videos of the first day we brought Kloe home. After the initial few minutes, when Kali made it very clear that Kloe was not welcome in her house, she quickly warmed up to Kloe and was every bit the surrogate mama we hoped she would be.

I had forgotten how inseparable Kali and Kloe were when Kloe was a pup. Mostly because at only weeks and months old Kloe adored Kali and followed her everywhere she went. There were so many tender moments sleeping side by side or on top of one another. And there were periods of play when Kali exhibited great patience with her new little sissy and also delivered lessons when needed.

In retrospect I now realize that Kali became the Sissy Mama the moment we brought Kloe through the front door in Livermore at 9 weeks old on May 7, 2016.

Sissy Mama In Action

Sissy Mama Gallery

Memorial Weekend Eight

May 30, 2022

Long time followers of Golden Kali may recall that she was one of 23 Golden Retrievers that arrived at San Francisco International Airport via China Airlines on Saturday evening, May 24, 2014. Holly, my daughter, and I drove to the airport that evening and waited for her crate to be unloaded from the plane along with 23 others. We took her crate to a staging area in the parking lot and I met her for the first time as I opened the crate door, leashed her, and watched her as she took her first sniffs of America. She had been in the crate for around 14 hours and was very anxious to pee. She took care of business and sniffed around some more. We took care of some formalities with the rescue organizers and volunteers and drove home to Livermore, CA would Kali would begin her New Life in America.

Since then Memorial Weekend has very been special to me. It marked the beginning of Kali’s new life in America, a new chapter in my life, and what turned out to be a seven and a half year journey Kali and I went on together.

That was Memorial Weekend One.

Kali laid by my feet in our backyard in Livermore as I started this blog. I knew during this first weekend and during the weeks to come I would need to be watchful and present to make sure Kali was successful. The rescue group cautioned me to not go to fast and to give Kali time. They said it may take time for her to be comfortable in her new surroundings and that she may have accidents and need to learn what her boundaries were. They suggested no visitors for a few days. This was of course a reasonable expectation. After all, there would be new sounds, new smells, new people, new food, new places to sleep, and on and on… It would take Kali time to adjust and we needed to respect that and give her space and time.

Except she didn’t need it!

Kali was still on Taiwan time when she arrived and it was expected she may have problems the first few nights. Except she didn’t. She slept by my bed tethered to the leg of the bed frame that first night, Saturday. She nuzzled me around two in the morning and I took her out to pee. I brought her back to bed and re-tethered her. She slept the rest of the night and every night after. Kali was respectful of the house from the very first day. She seemed to know her limits before we even had the chance to set them. She greeted visitors with a smile and love. She chewed on her toys but never furniture, shoes, or anything that wasn’t hers. With the exception of leash aggression that I found out about when we started our daily walks, Kali was a model rescue citizen from day one!

This is Memorial Weekend Eight.

The first Memorial Weekend that Kali is not physically laying by my feet as I write this Memorial Weekend post. As the weeks and months pass I miss her more and more. I long for her smell and the feel of her fur. I miss her at night when I wake up and remember she’s not there. I miss her when I’m in my office in the morning. I miss the ritual of walking with her from the back yard gate to my office when she would happily run towards the office door. Even though her physical legs were on their figurative “last legs”. Maybe it was something about going off with Dad in the morning that gave her body some spunk. Just for those few seconds, Kali was puppy-like as she pranced across the driveway.

Life at The Golden K Without Kali

That’s been the tag line of this blog since January First of this year when Kali crossed the bridge. She did so on her terms with the grace and dignity she earned. Kali was a truly special dog who I was blessed to know and love, and to have been loved by her. Kali will always hold a piece of my heart that is hers and hers alone.

So on this Memorial Day Eight, as many of us are remembering and honoring those who gave their lives in service of our country, I am also remembering and honoring my Golden Kali.

Except In My Dreams

March 28, 2022

My sweet Golden Kali has come to visit me several times over the past few weeks. Some of the visits have been short and some were extended stays with lots of kisses and hugs. The feel of Kali’s fur is so familiar. Her smell has been a welcome reminder that my girl is near by. I hope these special visits never end!

I’ve always been a very vivid dreamer and I remember most of my dreams in great detail; places, colors, smells, etc. After Kali passed many people suggested that she would visit me in the quiet of my dreams. I didn’t put too much thought into it at the time. The first few weeks after Kali passed were uneventful and although I missed her it wasn’t emotional. My rationale side processed Kali’s memory in a logical and matter of fact manner. My brain told me, “I did the right thing, grace and dignity, on Kali’s terms, last and greatest gift”, and so on….

But more recently, especially the past few weeks, I find myself longing for Kali. I find myself whispering her name as I think of her or see something that reminds me of her. I’ve become emotional a few times and realize that my brain had been managing the loss but now that loss has made it’s way to my heart and gut. When someone misses a family member or close friend but knows they will see them again at some point they may say, “yes, I miss him”. In their head. When that person is gone forever they also say, ” I miss him”. But now it’s in their heart and gut.

As obvious as it was that I would never see Kali again, it has now just hit me. I will never see, smell, or hug my sweet girl again. Except in my dreams.

Alexandria Horowitz is an author and professor of psychology, animal behavior, and canine cognition. I’ve read many of her books on canine behavior such as “Inside A Dog, What Dogs See, Smell, and Know”. In one of her books Ms. Horowitz was describing how dogs experience time relative to missing their owner. She talked about how (I’m paraphrasing) if the owner is gone for 20 or 30 minutes upon return the behavior of the dog may be much different than if the owner was gone for several hours. When it has been several hours the “welcoming committee” will probably be much more animated and excited upon the return of their owner. I know this is the case with my girls.

Ms. Horowitz explains this dynamic in simple terms. When the owner leaves their scent at first is very prevalent. It’s easy, especially with their keen sense of smell, for the dog to smell their owner after they’ve left the area. But as more and more time passes that scent begins to diminish and the dog’s owner begins to “fade away” creating anxiety or maybe even fear in the dog. Upon return the scent is back and all is well once again. Let the celebration begin!

A few nights ago Kali was present in my dream all night long. I woke up several times, probably from the adrenaline rush. Each time I went back to sleep quickly and she was still there. Kali was always good at stay! Another night’s visit was more fleeting. Kali went running by me like a puppy only slowing down long enough to let me know she was there and having so much fun running. There have been several visits over the past few weeks and each time I wake up knowing that deep connection with Kali will never end, even in death.

I often joke that I am more like a dog than a person. Wishful thinking… But I can’t help but wondering if this emotional longing for Kali (versus rational “missing”) is because her scent is less and less in the house. I can no longer pick up her scent as hard as a try. In my mind’s eye I can see Kali but I can’t smell her.

Except in my dreams.

Sleep tight my sweet Golden Kali. I hope to see you tonight.