Zombie – Golden Kali

A few days ago one of our favorite bloggers, Miss Harper Lee, nominated Golden Kali for the One Lovely Blog Award.

Miss Harper Lee is a beautiful Golden Retriever who, with help from her human mom writes a fun, informative, and entertaining blog site called thek9harperlee. Click here to go to their About page and learn more about the site which at times is like a travel log for dogs as they spend lots of time traveling around New Orleans and surrounding areas.

Thank you so much Miss Harper Lee and everyone at thek9harperlee for thinking of us and for enjoying our blog site enough to feel we merit this nomination. OK, now onto the fine print 🙂 …

One of the guidelines is to list seven facts about yourself, or in our case about Golden Kali. Another element is to nominate up to 15 other bloggers for this award. We’ll start with the seven facts and then follow with our nominees. The full list of award participation guidelines are listed at the end of this post.

Seven Facts About Golden Kali (getting to know Kali)

Kali is a rescue from Taiwan who shared a commercial airline flight to America with 23 other Golden Retreiver rescues in May of 2014. She was approximately five years old when she arrived. No, we did not have to learn to speak Taiwanese (everyone asks when they hear about where she came from). And we didn’t have to because Kali spoke the universal language of love (and food, see fact #2).
Kali loves food. Hey, what Golden Retriever worth their two coats of fur doesn’t? You may have seen that video that went viral of an obedience contest where dogs are recalled at a distance by their owners. They have to trot past lots of treats and food and go quickly and directly to the owner when called. At the end of the video a Golden Retriever zig zags all over scooping up food as fast as possible while the song Yakety Sax plays (you may know it as the Benny Hill theme). The Golden is eating everything in site much to the dismay of the owner, a young girl who is quite embarrassed. This would be Kali.
Kali doesn’t walk – she prances. It may be an artifact of her bad hips but nonetheless she prances which generates a lot of smiles and comments when we are out and about in town. There have been countless times someone who meets Kali for the first time says, “oh look – she prances!”. When she runs she does an exaggerated version of the prance that looks like a steam ship (slow) on stormy seas (very bouncy). For every 60 pounds of energy exerted when running Kali goes about three feet. It is not very efficient but it is so very cute and makes me smile and LOL each time I see her do that. Which is usually on the way back from morning “business” as she heads to the kitchen for breakfast. Again, see fact #2.
Kali has a little sister named Kloe. When we brought Kloe home, also a Golden, Retriever, she was just nine weeks old. Upon meeting Kloe, Kali made it very clear that she was not in favor of this addition to the pack. As soon as the shock wore off Kali looked to me as if to say, “oh no. No, no, no. You take that puppy back where you got it.” But little Kloe possessed magical powers over even this larger and older dog. Kloe cast a love spell upon Kali and by that evening the two of them were spooning and cuddling. Kali, who we think may have been a breeder in Taiwan before she was stray, became a loving and caring surrogate mom for this little 15 pound pup. Kloe is now 80 pounds (compared to Kali’s 60) and still likes to cuddle with big sissy Kali.
The tagline of this blog site used to be “Kali’s new life in America. Then in 2016 Kali moved from San Francisco East Bay suburbia with Kloe, Holly and I to the Sierra Nevada Foothills. Kali now lives on five acres under the pines, oaks, and cedars. When we moved the new tagline became “Kali’s new life in the mountains”.
Kali does not play fetch. From day one she made it very clear to me, much to my chagrin, that if I wanted the ball retreived I should go get it myself. Initially she would run after the ball and sniff at it, look back at me, and then wonder off to smell other things. After several weeks of effort (on my part not hers) I accepted her logical reasoning to not throw the ball if I just wanted her to bring it back. With that logic I guess Kali would also choose not to snow ski if given the opportunity….
Kali recently received the American Kennel Club’s “Good Citizen Certificate”. To receive this distinction Kali had to perform 10 basic activities ranging from sit and stay, to recall at a distance, to remaining calm during distractions, heel while walking amongst a group of strangers, etc. She had to receive 10 out of 10 in order to pass. To top it off there could be no treats involved during the testing. Yikes! See fact # 2… We are very proud of this certificate because of the work Kali put in over the years to be that good very good canine citizen.

Golden Kali relaxing at home

Now for our nominees for the One Lovely Blog Award. Click the links below to go to the sites’s “About” page.

And now finally for the full set of rules should the nominees above choose to participate:

Thank the person (or dog) that nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
List the rules.
Display the award on your post.
List seven facts about yourself.
Nominate up to 15 bloggers for this award and comment on one of their posts to let them know you have nominated them.

I caught myself sneaking food today.

I’m an adult and act like one (most of the time, some of the time) so I can eat whatever I damn well want! I’m not on a diet, I don’t have health restrictions, and I don’t snack on junk food during the day. I don’t drink sodas (takes too much room otherwise reserved for wine), I don’t eat sweets (although an Oatmeal cookie would be REAL good right now. I weigh exactly what I did the day I graduated from high school and I exercise regularly.

So why would I need to sneak food from my own pantry?

Yep – Kali.

Kali gets her two healthy meals a day and always gets her’s before I get mine. In the morning I feed her as soon as we get up and during the afternoon/evening she gets her dinner well in advance of when Holly and I sit down for our meal. She gets a healthy dose of treats on our walks and good behavior is reinforced throughout the day for following the rules, and for being so darn golden. Yes, it’s a “dog’s life” alright!

Yet today I caught myself sneaking food. I didn’t want Kali to see me because I feel guilty when her big brown eyes lock onto to the food I have following it all the way up and into my mouth. Anything in a package or box will tip her off that food is in play and she comes running. Kali is highly food motivated (understatement of the millennium ) which on one hand has made her very trainable but on the other hand can sometimes be a pain in the palate.

So today I snuck food. I had been working in my office all afternoon and needed a quick snack. I come down downstairs and see Kali sleeping at the foot of the stairs.

I walk by her like I’m walking through a graveyard full of sleeping zombies.

I make my way to the pantry and fridge and need to make a quick decision about what to grab for a snack. The refrigerator door opening is like a siren that will surely wake sleeping flesh-eating zombies and I could be doomed. Too risky! OK then, the pantry. Perfect. I see some almonds in handful portions right in front of me. I love almonds even when they don’t have all the yummy salt stuff you usually get at the bar. While high in caloric content they are also high in protein and work good to fill you up. A healthy and calorically economical snack that can bridge the rest of the afternoon in my office to wine time on the patio a few hours later.

There’s one problem. The almonds are packaged in little crunchy plastic bags that make a lot of noise when you open them. I have to be very careful or the Zombies will hear the crunching of the packaging or at the least feel the vibrations rippling through the kitchen. So with surgical-like precision I select a bag and ever so gingerly place it in my pocket. I’m thinking that once I get back up stairs I may need to hide in my closet, open the bag there, and eat the almonds so the flesh-eating Zombie named Kali won’t be woken up from out of the sleeping dead trance induced by the long walk in the very warm sun earlier in the day.

With my strategy set, and feeling rather smug, I head out of the pantry towards the stairs. I turn around and there’s the Zombie – looking me straight in the eye. The big beautiful brown-eyed Zombie staring up at me with (seriously – I saw it) a thought bubble over her head that says, “You try to whistle by THIS graveyard? Give me the Almonds or I will eat you”. “But Kali”, I say, “these are my almonds. You’ve had breakfast, a walk with plenty of training treats, and a biscuit or two since. I’ve been sequestered in my office for several hours and I need some nourishment; a little something’ – something’ to hold me over until wine time. These are my almonds.”

So, a stand off. Me, a pack of almonds, and a Zombie dog. I realize if there is one Zombie in the house there may be more. So even if I have delusions of getting past the Zombie Kali there are likely several more – maybe hundreds – upstairs hiding in my closet or worse, under the bed. Yikes! This situation now called for some quick thinking.

Yes, this is why humans are superior. Because we can rationalize, theorize, and plan. I quickly realized I have none of those qualities so I resort to another human quality: panic. Panic can be a great motivator.

So without even a conscious thought I found myself scrambling to find a Kong. I grab one and quickly fill it with peanut butter covered biscuits. No time to cut up apples or carrots, just the biscuits and a slathering of peanut butter. I prayed this would appease the Zombie leader they call The Golden Kali. I offered her the Kong. She looks at my pocket as though she has ex-ray vision knowing there is a bag of almonds in it. The thought bubble reappears this time with a rather lengthy dissertation, “Do I let this human get away with his feable attempt at deception? I should not! and will not! After all I am a Zombie and if I fight to the death the worst thing that happens to me is… well I die. But I’m a Zombie so I then immediately resurrect – pretty cool, right? Other than the daylight thing it’s not so bad being a Zombie. BUT, I so love peanut butter. I really love the peanut butter, I really do…”

Kali takes the Kong from my hand and slithers off to the foot of the stairs, drooling, and licking. I should make her go back to the kitchen where there is no carpet so the drool is less of an issue. I’m dumb but I’m not stupid and I’m not gonna push my luck with a Zombie.

I carefully walk by Zombie Kali, head up stairs, and hope she has somehow called off the other walking dead that are surely hidden in the closet and ceiling of my office. I very gently open the pack of almonds, chew quietly, and thank God I have lived to fight (sneak food!!) another day.

Give me the Almonds and i may spare your life

Golden Kali

Posts tagged with Zombie

Sneaking food and avoiding zombies